Skip to main content

Irreligious iPhone

There was an article making the rounds lately about “Xennials” – the group in the shoulder space between Gen X and Millennials, who relate with some of the characteristics of each and not at all with others. A tongue-in-cheek Guardian quiz declared me a true Xennial because “you understand modern technology but are not so emotionally needy as to need constant validation from strangers you will never meet.” Another article said Xennials “possess both Gen X cynicism and Millennial optimism.”

You can probably tell that I regard myself as fitting into this group (as much as a nonconformist leaning individual raised in a bizarre subculture ever fits). What it has to do with smartphones is that I’m not “digital native” enough to be good at texting. (I try the two-handed thing, but it seems just as laborious and inaccurate as one-finger hunt and peck.) So I speak to my phone. (Kind of like in the old fashioned days. Except not.)

This dictate function works brilliantly for some people. Despite significant exercise, it does not work well for me. I don’t know if my pronunciation is so unusual, my vocal cadence so idiosyncratic, or perhaps my vocabulary just a bit unexpected.

I don’t fault it for turning “obligatory” into “black attorneys” because I’m never quite sure where to put the stress on that word, and the substitution is at least a real phrase. But it drops words from my sentences, adds others, and then misinterprets what I’m trying to say into the most bizarre, nonsensical coinages rather than into completely normal words I’ve actually used.

After all this time, it’s like it doesn’t even know me! (Such is that state of all-knowing tech these days that I don’t even know whether I’m being sarcastic or serious.)

The most consistent and baffling misinterpretation – which is a bigger problem than you might think if you weren’t aware that I regularly discuss theology via messaging apps with a good friend – is “even Jellicle.”

Seriously?!

It seems the iPhone programmers were bigger fans of T.S. Eliot than the apostle Paul. Perhaps this shouldn’t be a surprise.

There have been a lot of other theological words my phone has struggled to render. Another part of this conversation just wouldn’t come out right:
  • Just do it
  • She has zoo it
  • Jazz event

Did you guess?
“Jesuit.”

It makes for levity in serious conversations (or, perhaps more accurately defangs generally negative characterizations by punctuating them with a guffaw), and has possibly given me the title of my book. What it will be about or when I will write it is yet unknown, but, ever so slowly, pieces are starting to come together.

First line: “The river was not a shortcut.”
Title: Even Jellicle Lizum

It’s going to be a great (if initially baffling) read.

Thank you, auto-dictate.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

It's a girl!

I awoke this morning to the sound of my phone ringing. It wasn't the first time the bells and whistles had attempted to pull me from my slumber so I knew it meant one of two things: either I'd overslept and my boss was calling to find out where I was, or the much anticipated baby had announced her intention to make an entrance. Felicitously, it was the latter. After a lightning fast labour lasting a mere 2 hours, Mai-Anh Esther made her entry into the world at 8:35 am (the preferred interval for Braun babies. Jon, Rebecca, and I were all born between 8 and 8:30 in the morning while Lien was born around 8 in the evening.) She is a hearty 9 lbs 2 oz and 20 1/2 inches long. "She's already got more hair than Lien does!" was the first comment made by both Jon and me. She's a perfectly contented, sleepy little girl who's hardly opened her eyes once, even to let mommy see them, and she had no objection to being passed from person to person all evening, nor to Li...

entering the blog world

I've finally given in to the lure of blogging. Actually, if it weren't for Cameroon, I probably wouldn't be doing this; my excuse for succumbing to the pull of popular culture is that a blog is a very pragmatic way to keep in touch with people at home while I'm gone. Thus the title -- the focus is on my journey to and experience in Cameroon. So you likely shan't see much here till things heat up a bit more.

Deep breaths, just relax

I am immensely relieved to have my visa application in the mail...except I won't be free of trepidation until I have my passport back, visa approved. Sending my visa makes me realize it's actually going to happen -- sooner rather than later. Just one more day of work at the newspaper, 2 1/2 more shifts at the bookstore. Training the new guy today went well for me; I hope it went well for him as well! Thankfully, I have news that I will not be wandering around Douala by myself upon my arrival in Cameroon. (Okay, not that that was going to be the case, but it sounds more dramatic.) The original plan was that I'd meet Dan and Lisa at Charles de Gaulle and continue with them from there in on. Just the way I like it -- being "adventurous" within the safe parameters of responsible and experienced oversight. However, the U.S. government got in the way of those plans with delay after delay with Joshua's paperwork. To say I was worried about arriving in Douala all alo...