Skip to main content

Traditional wedding ceremony

The team's Oroko literacy coordinator is getting married. His traditional wedding ceremony was to start at 2:00. Returning from Douala that day, we'd only reached Kumba by 2 and needed to run some errands yet, so alas, we'd just have to be late. Then Mike bumped into the groom at market, so apparently festivities hadn't started yet. He gave the new start time as 5:00. We reached home in Bekondo around 4:30 and wanted to unload, grab a bite to eat, freshen up and pretty up for the celebration, so we didn't arrive at the house of the bride's parents in Mofako (a few villages over) until 6:30 -- still the earliest guests to arrive. Ladies were bustling about arranging and rearranging chairs, the groom had not yet arrived, and the pastor who would oversee the proceedings was with his broken down car in Kumba.

While we waited, we were offered some "traditional" waiting food, called "light refreshments," of popcorn and groundnuts (peanuts). When it became apparent the wait would be another hour or so, we were taken down a dark and uneven path through the village to another house where we visited with the groom's parents and smiled at the antics of the assembled cats and children. Then we were taken to the chief's house to partake of some food so we could leave after the ceremony (to get young Joshua to bed) without offending the hosts' hospitality. Shortly after we finished our pepe soup, the groom arrived and we were guided to the seats of honour in front of the house where the wedding was to take place. By now a crowd had assembled and the requisite loud music was coming from the generator-powered speakers which were, of course, right behind us. Music selection in Cameroon is nearly always a curious mix of North American worship songs, North American pop songs, Cameroonian-style makossa, and Cameroonian traditional music. This event was no exception.

The service started shortly after 9:00 with much preamble, effusive welcomes, a song, long but partly inaudible introductions, and a prayer (the groom and the MC are pastors in the Apostolic Church). The traditional part of the ceremony went as follows: The husband is introduced and told it is time to meet his bride. A woman comes out, elegantly dressed, her head draped with a translucent cloth, and parades slowly in front of the crowd. Then, standing in front of the groom, he lifts the veil and declares, "No, you are not my woman," (or something to that effect), and sends her off with some money. A second woman comes out and does the same thing. This time he adds "Here's double the money so you don't come back a second time." A third woman comes to taunt him, a sister apparently (not clear if she's his or hers), to whom he says "Get out of here, I'm not even going to pay you at all."

Finally, the bride comes out. Under the veil she's wearing a fabulous, enormous styled hat of stiff, pinned cloth, so even if you hadn't met the bride before (like me), it was immediately apparent it was she. She paraded extra slowly in front of the crowd, pretending she can't find her groom. At last, she is in front of him where he unveils her and the giving of the woman can begin. The families have their say in the matter, and the groom pays his brideprice.

Speechmaking is a thoroughly Cameroonian activity at events. People of status must be prepared to be called upon to spontaneously praise the event or person being celebrated and the pontificating can go on for a while, though much length is added through copious repetition. At this event, an ordained pastor, a mentor to the groom, spoke to end off the official part of the ceremony.

In North America, at fundraisers, the banquet and entertainment usually come first, then you're called upon to donate. In Cameroon, the congregation is called upon to pay before they get fed. Sometimes the donating is tied to serving -- or, unveiling -- the food. So before the informal part of the celebration began, the music was turned up loud and each section of the crowd was called forward to bless the couple with financial gifts.

Now, as we'd understood it, they invited us to eat before the ceremony so we could leave immediately afterward without shaming the hosts; but when the food was brought out, we were nevertheless entreated to stay to eat and drink more. There was an elaborate spread, (which, to my joy, meant I did not have to eat waterfufu and eru just to be polite) and the food was delicious, but we really didn't need to be eating again (it's now after 10:30 at night) nor was my third pop of the day really necessary (they come in .6L bottles and each adult is expected to down one themselves). Nevertheless, blinking back sleep and loosening our belts we did what was asked.

As we excused ourselves to scurry home to put Joshua to bed, the bride and groom came to say goodbye...and to invite me to be a bridesmaid at their church wedding in January. I met the bride and groom for the first time at this very event, in fact, at this very moment that they invited me to be a part of their wedding party. "Have white skin, will use," chuckled Mike at my incredulity at this turn of events. Oh how I hate to be more conspicuous than I already am, and to be on show when I'm so clueless about what is culturally appropriate is torturous!

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Our pensions for genocide? No!

Just Peace Advocates has found that as of 31 March 2026 (fiscal year end 2025/2026), the Canadian Pension Plan Investment Board had over $54 billion invested in 120 companies complicit in Israel’s genocide, war crimes, and apartheid. This represents 6.9% of CPPIB’s total holdings in 25/26. They're trying to fund our retirements by profiteering off mass murder. I'm not okay with that. Are you? Read Just Peace Advocates’ report Send your own letter to let them know. I am writing today after having learned about CPPIB’s 2026 Annual Report. I am disgusted by what I have learned.  After the millions you spent on a cross-country consultation tour, you are ignoring every voice that cajoled and begged and pleaded that you not invest our money in genocide. We'll be happy to have smaller returns if it means our funds aren't causing children to die at the hands of a wanton, sadistic genocidal state. An analysis of CPPIB’s holdings shows more than $54 billion invested in com...

Fighting motornormativity one letter at a time

If-you-see-something-say-something strikes again.  Sick and tired of motornormativity, I'm setting event notifications straight. Don't just tell people where they can park when they attend your event. Have some hope for humanity and believe we can step out of our death machines and get around in a more human way. Especially for an event that is pitched as a picnic. This is what they sent: So this is what I wrote:  I know you already have a lot of details in this message. I know that realistically, most of your attendees will come in private vehicles. But can you please add notes for bus and bike travellers the next time you send a message like this? What constructs our view of “normal” is not only what we personally see and interact with but also how our world is talked about. When “where do I park?!” always gets top billing in event information whereas “which bus can I take?” and “is there a safe place to leave my bike?” are never even addressed, it reinforces the impre...

Bread not bombs

Yesterday, I saw a post from a Dutch antiwar organization: Geen Bommen maar bomen. “Not bombs; trees instead.” I love it.  Today, I saw a campaign from MCC: “bread, not bombs.” So I wrote adapted their letter to write to the prime minister et al.: Sure, money is important, but even more crucial is air to breathe and food to eat.  War makes money for a tiny fragment of human population, but for the vast majority, war means displacement, loss, deprivation and at worst death. Even for those far away from war, like here in Canada, every bomb that drops leaves not only a crater in some distant soil but also further deepens the desperate carbon crisis we are in, which will exact its retribution faster and faster in wildfires, droughts and floods.  That is why I am writing to you today.  Canadians did not vote for war in the 2025 election.  War does not lead to security.  How could the hunger, displacement, and worsening impacts of climate change lead to sec...